Struggles of Having an Office Crush (Part 1)

Humidity's rising. Barometer's getting low. Diz iz it. (The Office Via Giphy)

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“Office Crush”

Definition: Someone who you find very attractive and extremely special and you have a burning desire to be with at work.
Used in sentence:¬†Ugh!¬†Can’t concentrate at work when my office crush is around.

We all have one, at least if you’re from the working class. Sometimes, having an office crush is good. You are inspired to work. You look forward to Mondays and every day of the week (on top of the very few reasons). IKR. On the other hand, like all imaginary relationships,¬†it can become a burden.

Here are some of the stages struggles of having an office crush. Cheers to incredibly over-taxed fellow employees! It will be better. XX 

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. HAHA!

Humidity's rising. Barometer's getting low. Diz iz it. (The Office Via Giphy)
Humidity’s rising. Barometer’s getting low. Diz iz it. (The Office Via Giphy)

Struggle #1: The First Encounter

Picture this. You’re on your way to your floor. Walking towards the elevator you see a face totally unfamiliar to you yet capturing¬†all your attention at 7:30 in the AM. You try not to stare too long¬†as you wonder how you have¬†not met him before. A new hire, perhaps? The elevator door opens and you both go in. You feel like you’re Meredith Grey-Shepard. Choose me. Love Me.¬†He presses 20.¬†Bingo. You now have your first clue: Location.

Elevators are so romantic. (Grey's Anatomy Via BuzzFeed)
Elevators are so romantic. (Grey’s Anatomy Via BuzzFeed)

But wait! Because of the strategically-placed mirrors in the elevator, you see that he’s wearing an¬†ID. Thanks Human Resources for office policies! Through years of practice, you manage to read his name backwards. #Sherlock

No worries. (Via gif-the-world)
No worries. I can also lip-read BTW.(Via gif-the-world)

Struggle #2: The Second Encounter

You’ve moved on from your first encounter with your office crush. You forget because you’re at work to work. Darn it! But then, after days not thinking about him, come Friday, he’s right beside you choosing that salty palabok you dread at the cafeteria. Is this destiny by Paul Anka? You get startled. The cafeteria lady impatiently waits for your order. Hungry people behind are also looking. You hear their thoughts behind their glaring¬†eyes: “Ang tagal naman niya umorder. Ano ‘to Starbucks?!”

WAIT LANG PO PLEAZE! (73rd Golden Globe Awards Via Tumblr)
WAIT LANG PO, PLEAZE! (73rd Golden Globe Awards Via Tumblr)

You panic and shout “Palabok po.”

Happy tears. (Ellen Via vampirediaries.wikia.com)
Ayaw ko ng palabok pero sige na. (Ellen Via vampirediaries.wikia.com)

Struggle #3: OPLAN: MANHUNT

Back on¬†your computer, you remember that you have a friend that can help you ID your office crush. The Employee Directory. Aylavet. It’s like Google or something.

#Confessions (The O.C. Via Ex-Girlfriend Recovery)
TROOT (The O.C. Via Ex-Girlfriend Recovery)

After filtering 50 plus results, you arrive at a name! I KNOW HIS NAME!  *cue the confetti* You are moving on to the next round.

I want to thank God, my family and my manager. (Via BuzzFeed)
I want to thank God, my family and my manager. (Via BuzzFeed)

Next Round: Stalking. Fishing in social media. You thank Mark Zuckerberg once again for giving us the gift of Facebook. Thank you po for anonymous viewing!

Move over, 007. I'M IN DA ZONE! (Workaholics Via Giphy)
Move over, 007. I’M IN DA ZONE! (Workaholics Via Giphy)

You search every possible name combination and nicknames to no avail.¬†Great, he’s one of those¬†who think they don’t need Facebook to survive. So you go to the next greatest thing, hello little blue bird! In a sick twist of events, HE HAS NO TWITTER EITHER! WHAT!? Fortunately, he has an Instagram but it’s… PRIVATE!

SHOCKERS! (Pretty Little Liars Via Huffington Post)
SHOCKERS! (Pretty Little Liars Via Huffington Post)

Finally,¬†Google leads you to his only online public account: his LinkedIn profile. You add him. Congratulations, you’re officially pathetic!

Shut up, Joffrey! You're dead! (Game of Thrones Via Giphy)
Shut up, Joffrey! Officemate ko naman siya ah. :'( (Game of Thrones Via Giphy)

Struggle #4: Keeping It a Secret

You decide to keep the his identity¬†a secret. Not because it’s against office policy. But because he is already your fifth crush just one month into the¬†year. TBH, they’re having a hard time following. TBEMH (read: to be even¬†more honest, I made that up! HAHA!), you’re having a harder time keeping it to yourself. So you tell it to your close friend A and ask her to keep it a secret.

There, I said it. (The Last Song Via Tumblr)
There, I said it. (The Last Song Via allzeegifs)

But you also tell friend B and ask also him to keep it a secret. This goes on until you reach friend H. The rest, as they say, is history.

Promise, it's a secret. (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone Via Tumblr)
(Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone Via What Should Theatre Call Me)

Struggle #5: Stalkers Society Unite

So the secret’s out and social media¬†has not been useful in your¬†case. You’re lucky because your squad has a stalking level of an FBI agent. Seriously, they do.

Yep. That's true. (House Via Cinema Blend)
Yep. That’s true. (House Via Cinema Blend)

With their help, you find friends that are friends with his friends. Or an officemate of a friend that’s from the same school and batch as he is. It’s like Friendster, only in real life. *sighs* Gosh, I miss testimonials.

Those were the days when stalking involves a fake account and page view count.
The good ol’¬†days when stalking involved a fake account and the¬†“Who’s viewed me?” feature.

You find out that he is interested in tennis, that he was studious and quiet. More importantly though, nobody knows if he is in a relationship or not. That small piece of information gives you hope like water has been found on Mars.

(Via Giphy)
DIZ IZ REALLY IZ IT. WOHOO! (Via Giphy)

Struggle #6: The First Hello

Your boss calls for a meeting. You arrive late because of the awful traffic in Manila. You have not done your morning ritual a.k.a. putting your face on. You enter the meeting room and you see your office crush looking directly at you. Your boss briefly introduces him to the group but fails to mention your name. Ugh. But that’s okay.

Ay, este, hello.
Ay, este, hello po. (Via Giphy)

Struggle #7: The Limbo

After being improperly introduced, you do not see him in weeks. Maybe he’s sick or has gone to Boracay with his girlfriend! Oh no! Still, you remain positive. You breathe in. You breathe out. Come Monday, you see him where you first saw him, the elevator. You’re quite unsure if he even¬†remembers you, especially now that you have your face on. So you smile like you’re smiling at the same time you don’t¬†(read: horrific).

Ron-Swanson-is-excited
Smile back please. (Parks and Recreation Via PSN Profiles)

Does he smile back? No.

</3 (Via The Little One)
</3 (Via The Little One)

Struggle #8: The Not So Subtle Paramdam Moves

Destiny¬†is taking too long so you decide to meddle a bit. You are too curious about what he hides behind that private Instagram account. Darn that small display picture! Why won’t it enlarge? Who’s that person behind him?¬†There’s only one way to know and you know exactly how. You click the follow button, put your phone on airplane mode,¬†dive your face into your pillows and scream!

(Project Runway Via Giphy)
Please. Instagram. Gods. (Project Runway Via Giphy)

Days later, your follow request has still not been approved. You wonder if he has no data plan or he’s just not into social media. Oh noes!¬†Do I need to quit social media if we get married?¬†

What are you saying girl? I'm just here for the filters. (Via Refinery29)
Ugh. I don’t want to be this girl. (Via Refinery29)

Time is ticking. You’re getting impatient. You know for a fact that your office crush will know if you viewed his LinkedIn profile. You run out of options so you visit¬†his profile, and regret it¬†instantly.

(Modern Family Via What Should Theatre Call Me)
#Regrets (Modern Family Via What Should Theatre Call Me)

Struggle #9: The Little Conversations

You are the resident office bibo kid. Naturally, for Halloween, you go as Queen Elsa, perform Let It Go and be the life of the party. You’re a celebrity. Everybody is taking pictures with you. You raise your hands all tense like you’re taking the whole party¬†to the north¬†pole. On the side of your eye, you see someone looking at you. Smiling all nice like Alden does.

THE COLD NEVER BOTHA'D ME ANYWAY! (Lip Sync Battle Via Refinery29)
Here I am in the light of dayyiiyyyy! (Lip Sync Battle Via Refinery29)

He waits and after all has settled down, you slowly walk away. Very slowly. You see him move. Darn girl, you’ve got a sharp¬†peripheral view! He approaches you, calls you by your name and asks for a selfie. A selfie with the guy dressed as Olaf, but you’ll take it.

Office Crush Selfie
Ay, blurred p’wede isa pa? (Via Tumblr)

Finally, Olaf takes off with a minion and you two small talk. The small talk gets a little longer than expected even though you’re¬†standing directly under¬†the air-con vent. Okay lang noh. No worries. The cold never bothered me¬†anyway.

Struggle #10: The Holiday Season

You plan to give your office crush a gift as a sign of admiration¬†gratitude since you’ve worked together once. You try hard not to overdo.¬†You don’t want to give him a clue of how you’re deeply obsessed with him¬†feeling. But you also do. Complicated? Yes. Solution: easy (but rather expensive).

"Nail-cutter for you, toothbrush for you, baby powder for you!"
Nail-cutter for you, nail-cutter for you! NAIL-CUTTERS FOR EVERYBODY!!! (Oprah Via Perez Hilton)

You buy¬†everyone Christmas¬†presents. Masakit sa bulsa noh? Ginusto mo ‘yan eh!¬†All presents are wrapped in the same wrapping paper except for one. You drop the presents early in the morning when you and kuya guard are the only ones in the building. This way, the others will not¬†notice that your office crush’s¬†present is a little more special. Because he is. Special.

oprah-free-car
WAH!!!! Wala na ‘ko pera!!!! (Oprah Via Know Your Meme)

Struggle #11: When You Get Your Hopes Up

You arrive at work after the holidays and see a¬†bunch of presents on top of your desk. One’s from a client, another one from your boss and one is from your office crush. You¬†take a picture of the present and Instagram it. You tag him. Luckily, you’ve memorized his username. You turn your data off since¬†unli-data does not exist anymore. (I’m looking at you telcos!) During lunch, you turn it back on. Office crush responds¬†to your follow request and is now following you.¬†He likes the post and writes: “You’re welcome, Elsa! :)”

(Katy Perry Via Bullpen Mom)
Oh my God! Yes, yes, I’ll marry you! (Katy Perry Via Bullpen Mom)

To be continued…


Do you have an office crush? Can you relate to any of the¬†struggles with your own office crush? Share your experiences in the comments below. Watch out for more office crush struggles soon. ūüėČ

2 comments on “Struggles of Having an Office Crush (Part 1)

  1. Oh em. Part 1 pa lang! Excited for Part 2. Wonder if Part 3 will be the one with the wedding! Can suuper relate tho. Except i first saw him in training, not in the elevator! Hahaha. Thank God for collab workshops! :p

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