Definition: Someone who you find very attractive and extremely special and you have a burning desire to be with at work.
Used in sentence: Ugh! Can’t concentrate at work when my office crush is around.
We all have one, at least if you’re from the working class. Sometimes, having an office crush is good. You are inspired to work. You look forward to Mondays and every day of the week (on top of the very few reasons). IKR. On the other hand, like all imaginary relationships, it can become a burden.
Here are some of the
stages struggles of having an office crush. Cheers to incredibly over-taxed fellow employees! It will be better. XX
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. HAHA!
Struggle #1: The First Encounter
Picture this. You’re on your way to your floor. Walking towards the elevator you see a face totally unfamiliar to you yet capturing all your attention at 7:30 in the AM. You try not to stare too long as you wonder how you have not met him before. A new hire, perhaps? The elevator door opens and you both go in. You feel like you’re Meredith Grey-Shepard. Choose me. Love Me. He presses 20. Bingo. You now have your first clue: Location.
But wait! Because of the strategically-placed mirrors in the elevator, you see that he’s wearing an ID. Thanks Human Resources for office policies! Through years of practice, you manage to read his name backwards. #Sherlock
Struggle #2: The Second Encounter
You’ve moved on from your first encounter with your office crush. You forget because you’re at work to work. Darn it! But then, after days not thinking about him, come Friday, he’s right beside you choosing that salty palabok you dread at the cafeteria. Is this destiny by Paul Anka? You get startled. The cafeteria lady impatiently waits for your order. Hungry people behind are also looking. You hear their thoughts behind their glaring eyes: “Ang tagal naman niya umorder. Ano ‘to Starbucks?!”
You panic and shout “Palabok po.”
Struggle #3: OPLAN: MANHUNT
Back on your computer, you remember that you have a friend that can help you ID your office crush. The Employee Directory. Aylavet. It’s like Google or something.
After filtering 50 plus results, you arrive at a name! I KNOW HIS NAME! *cue the confetti* You are moving on to the next round.
Stalking. Fishing in social media. You thank Mark Zuckerberg once again for giving us the gift of Facebook. Thank you po for anonymous viewing!
You search every possible name combination and nicknames to no avail. Great, he’s one of those who think they don’t need Facebook to survive. So you go to the next greatest thing, hello little blue bird! In a sick twist of events, HE HAS NO TWITTER EITHER! WHAT!? Fortunately, he has an Instagram but it’s… PRIVATE!
Finally, Google leads you to his only online public account: his LinkedIn profile. You add him. Congratulations, you’re officially pathetic!
Struggle #4: Keeping It a Secret
You decide to keep the his identity a secret. Not because it’s against office policy. But because he is already your fifth crush just one month into the year. TBH, they’re having a hard time following. TBEMH (read: to be even more honest, I made that up! HAHA!), you’re having a harder time keeping it to yourself. So you tell it to your close friend A and ask her to keep it a secret.
But you also tell friend B and ask also him to keep it a secret. This goes on until you reach friend H. The rest, as they say, is history.
Struggle #5: Stalkers Society Unite
So the secret’s out and social media has not been useful in your case. You’re lucky because your squad has a stalking level of an FBI agent. Seriously, they do.
With their help, you find friends that are friends with his friends. Or an officemate of a friend that’s from the same school and batch as he is. It’s like Friendster, only in real life. *sighs* Gosh, I miss testimonials.
You find out that he is interested in tennis, that he was studious and quiet. More importantly though, nobody knows if he is in a relationship or not. That small piece of information gives you hope like water has been found on Mars.
Struggle #6: The First Hello
Your boss calls for a meeting. You arrive late because of the awful traffic in Manila. You have not done your morning ritual a.k.a. putting your face on. You enter the meeting room and you see your office crush looking directly at you. Your boss briefly introduces him to the group but fails to mention your name. Ugh. But that’s okay.
Struggle #7: The Limbo
After being improperly introduced, you do not see him in weeks. Maybe he’s sick or has gone to Boracay with his girlfriend! Oh no! Still, you remain positive. You breathe in. You breathe out. Come Monday, you see him where you first saw him, the elevator. You’re quite unsure if he even remembers you, especially now that you have your face on. So you smile like you’re smiling at the same time you don’t (read: horrific).
Does he smile back? No.
Struggle #8: The
Not So Subtle Paramdam Moves
Destiny is taking too long so you decide to meddle a bit. You are too curious about what he hides behind that private Instagram account. Darn that small display picture! Why won’t it enlarge? Who’s that person behind him? There’s only one way to know and you know exactly how. You click the follow button, put your phone on airplane mode, dive your face into your pillows and scream!
Days later, your follow request has still not been approved. You wonder if he has no data plan or he’s just not into social media. Oh noes! Do I need to quit social media if we get married?
Time is ticking. You’re getting impatient. You know for a fact that your office crush will know if you viewed his LinkedIn profile. You run out of options so you visit his profile, and regret it instantly.
Struggle #9: The Little Conversations
You are the resident office bibo kid. Naturally, for Halloween, you go as Queen Elsa, perform Let It Go and be the life of the party. You’re a celebrity. Everybody is taking pictures with you. You raise your hands all tense like you’re taking the whole party to the north pole. On the side of your eye, you see someone looking at you. Smiling all nice like Alden does.
He waits and after all has settled down, you slowly walk away. Very slowly. You see him move. Darn girl, you’ve got a sharp peripheral view! He approaches you, calls you by your name and asks for a selfie. A selfie with the guy dressed as Olaf, but you’ll take it.
Finally, Olaf takes off with a minion and you two small talk. The small talk gets a little longer than expected even though you’re standing directly under the air-con vent. Okay lang noh. No worries. The cold never bothered me anyway.
Struggle #10: The Holiday Season
You plan to give your office crush a gift as a sign of
admiration gratitude since you’ve worked together once. You try hard not to overdo. You don’t want to give him a clue of how you’re deeply obsessed with him feeling. But you also do. Complicated? Yes. Solution: easy (but rather expensive).
You buy everyone Christmas presents. Masakit sa bulsa noh? Ginusto mo ‘yan eh! All presents are wrapped in the same wrapping paper except for one. You drop the presents early in the morning when you and kuya guard are the only ones in the building. This way, the others will not notice that your office crush’s present is a little more special. Because he is. Special.
Struggle #11: When You Get Your Hopes Up
You arrive at work after the holidays and see a bunch of presents on top of your desk. One’s from a client, another one from your boss and one is from your office crush. You take a picture of the present and Instagram it. You tag him. Luckily, you’ve memorized his username. You turn your data off since unli-data does not exist anymore. (I’m looking at you telcos!) During lunch, you turn it back on. Office crush responds to your follow request and is now following you. He likes the post and writes: “You’re welcome, Elsa! :)”
To be continued…
Do you have an office crush? Can you relate to any of the struggles with your own office crush? Share your experiences in the comments below. Watch out for more office crush struggles soon. 😉