Maintaining friendships is as hard as maintaining any other relationship. May it be romantic, platonic or professional. It’s ironic, since we live in the age of 24/7 connectivity. I’ve been battling whether I should “unfriend” friends that seemed to have changed for some reason or another through the years. Some people would normally let go but I refuse to. I love ’em and I want to keep being friends. That is despite their shortcomings (and my own too).
Disclaimer: I know this post might seem too “immature”, “childish” for the extremists. Then again, I’ve been hurt too many times to fully dismiss this as my own fault. I always look at things critically. This is just a way to vent things out. Consider this as an open-letter a la Yaya Dub. Some bullet points are not finished yet, though. 😅
Here’s a list of the “one-way” friendships I refuse to let go.
#1 Friends who don’t reply.
Friendship is about communication. I used to be very sensitive about this especially during high school or college (because yeah, I text about homework!) Now, I don’t really care whether a friend replies or not, unless the situation is really important.
The funny links I send, all my rants, by all means, do not reply. However, when I ask things like “what time do we meet?”, “where will we meet?”, I think I do have the right to expect a reply or a follow-up text once you’ve read or seen the message. It’s just rude not to respond.
I was meeting friends for a surprise birthday party. I group messaged everyone asking what time we were meeting. No body replied but everybody had seen the message. Thanks, Mark Z.! After I followed up, somebody replied “I didn’t know.“. Okay so the next afternoon, I texted that same friend asking the same question. He said, “We’re already here.” </3
#2 Friends who don’t tell you anything (even the important stuff).
Okay, some of you may think, this is a bit shallow and this also depends on the levels of the friendship you’re on. In the age of group chats and unlimited calls and texts, if you’re always the last to know, chances are they always forget you or they don’t like you as much. Or you’re Britney.
I’m not asking friends to tell me how they spend their week minute by minute. I just want my fair share of kwentos or conversation. Give and take lang. It’s how friendships work, ain’t it?
#3 Friends who don’t invite you to the party (or lunch).
Yeah, it’s their prerogative to invite you or not but it’s just sad. Especially if you’ve been friends for a very long time. You know when people are booking flights and they tell you the next day that they already booked a flight even if you were in the same group chat. The thought still counts, I guess.
At work, I have lunch and coffee with the same set of friends. During the course of this year, for some reason, they just started “forgetting” to loop me in their lunch-out plans. Umm, okay, wala naman akong ibang kasama. The thing is I can bring baon from home, but I still decide to buy food because I want to get out and bond with them. Okay, maybe, I’m just not good company.
#4 Friends that you do invite but always say “no”.
True story. Some people’s default answer is always “no” so you have to ask other friends to invite them for you. You know, that time you showed your friend Everwing. He immediately brushes you off. I don’t play Facebook games, he says. Then a week later, a different friend invites him and gets addicted to the game. Another friend who “doesn’t travel”. You invite her to go on a road trip to a waterfall in the south. Later, you find out on Instagram that she already went there with another friend.
I ask a friend to like my blog posts in Facebook just to increase engagement (or just to show support). He always says that he isn’t on Facebook all the time and that he doesn’t have wifi. Okay. However, I do see him like other posts and when he is asked by another friend to vote a Kpop group for an online awards thingy, he does this regularly even without pesky reminders.
#5 Friends who “manage” you.
This is one of the most hurtful. Friends don’t manage friends. “We didn’t tell you kasi magagalit ka.” How about you tell me because we’re friends? I just feel that people are sugarcoating things and tiptoeing around me because magtatampo ako. Thanks for thinking so highly of me.
#6 Friends who are just there when they need something.
This is pretty self-explanatory. There are friends who just remember to reply when they need something. I have this message thread from one of my friends where all messages are outgoing. The only incoming messages were messages asking for me to bring or do something. 😅 I don’t mind though.
#7 Friends who think you have a crush on them.
You know when friends think twice of sitting beside you during lunch or a movie night, chances are they’re thinking you have a crush on them. For the record, wala. 🙄
#8 Friends who don’t apologize.
It’s 👏 just 👏 two 👏 syllables 👏, why do some people find it so hard to say? Regardless if you think you’re right, apologizing doesn’t make you less of a person and if saying sorry would fix a friendship, why can’t you just say sorry? It’s not too late. Or is it?
#9 Friends who treat you differently.
I know that it’s bad to compare but sometimes, the differences are just too obvious to pass. Preferential treatment can be felt and it hurts especially coming from a close if not one of my best friends.
I might update this list if I think of any more types of friends. This is an ongoing list. 😅 I’m posting this just to vent. I really needed it. Thanks for reading. 😁
Do you also have friendship hugots you want to share? Sound off in the comment section below.